Dysfunctional Mothering

I held your hand when you were little and kissed your hurts away.
I felt your pain when you had a birthday party and no one showed up.
Mothers love burned like a fireball, and I wanted to kiss the hurt away from your heart.

I wished for you a perfect life, mature in body, mind and spirit.
Spread your wings and fly away when you were ready.
But you flew away before you were ready, and never grew up.

Now
You forge my checks and I....give you money.
You pawn gifts of jewelery and I .....give you more jewelery,
because I want you to have pretty things.
You break into my house and I.....do very little.
You talk about needing money to rent a house and I....borrow it.
You move out of the house and I.....am still paying off the loan.


You mention the girls need clothes for school and I......buy them.
You abuse my trust with the trget card and I say.....almost nothing.
I figure it is no use, you don't care.
You need clothes for a job and ask to use a charge card and I ....let you.
Two weeks later, no job, but you keep the clothes and never offer any money.
If I say anything about these "things" you say....all I care about are material things.
You tell me you hate me and I.....am not surprised.
You leave Alexis with Mike and parents and don't tell me so I can go and get her,
and.... I am not surprised.


I am desensitized to the bad things you do....almost nothing surprises me,
Unless it would be hearing good.
I think you really do hate me, and punish me by not letting the kids stay with us.
It would have hurt no one if Alexis had stayed with us for a couple of weeks.
I guess you got a thrill out of imagining how I would feel when I found outs she stayed behind.
You have no idea how hard it is to look at their pictures without crying and feeling very blue.
I am still trying to kiss your hurts away ( yes that is right)
How can you grow up, if I won't let you.

Michalina

Curly hair
laughing face
Little baby mine
Michalina

Blue eyes
busy hands
Little baby mine
Michalina

Never still
while awake
Little baby mine
Michalina

Sweetly sleeping
pretty angel
Little baby mine
Michalina

Love you always
and forever
Little baby mine
Michalina

Deception

We never realize how important it is to be able to believe what we are told by others. When a person is willing to lie to make his or her life easier you fully begin to understand what it means. No matter how many times you ask for reassurances you will never believe what you are told. Also to someone that is capable of lying on a daily basis they don't believe you. Yes that is right. They think that everyone else is as they are. A cumpulsive lier. So you find yourself constantly being questioned and your word is doubted.

You came into my life, a surprise, almost a dare.......to trust.
I looked in your eyes and thought I could see your soul.
What you then did was strip me bare,
and drop kick my heart into a hole.

I cannot recover, I cannot find my way..........Trust
is a word that to us can no longer apply.
You have managed to turn my dreams into dust,
and what I think now, is do I want? Can I die?

To much to remember.

Just to get thru the day it takes passwords.
To pay bills,
Check your bank balance.
Check email.
Log onto Facebook.
To view my paycheck,
as now it is a "virtual" paycheck!

Any sites you join require passwords.

Not EVER just any password. They all want something just a tiny bit different , so you can't use the same one EVER.