Daughters

I remember holding my daughter when she was a very tiny baby. I envisioned her as a grown woman and the two of us becoming not only friends but best friends. I don't know when I realized that was never going to happen , or if it did it would take years to become a reality. The line "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" is a good way to sum up my years with my daughter.
She was much anticipated. I had a stillborn baby, another girl three years before my daughter was born. When they told me that I had a girl ,and she was alive and healthy, I was so happy. I could never imagine how much hurt a child could place on a parent once they became teenagers and on to adulthood. Having children to me is like days and days of endless pain , hurt and worry with moments of extreme joy occuring just often enough to keep hope alive.

I have had to see my daughter in the back of a Police car and know that not intervening was the very best thing I could do for her at the time. That is a pain that doesn't go away quickly.

I keep hitting my thumb with the hammer saying ouch. I don't know how to stop.